Well not quite yet but everyone is off on leave now, and I soon will be as well.... unfortunately, this will be the first christmas in my 19 years of living that I will not be spending with my family..... it really sucks.... *sigh* but it's alright I guess, since I will be with other people having just as much fun.... I just really miss my family I guess.... and it'll be another 7 or 8 months before I see them again..... *sigh*

So, after all this time after graduating from A school, I have been waiting so long to get on the ship and get up to WA. Now that we're finally here, I ask myself WHY the hell I chose this ship because our homeport is in a VERY ghetto town. This place is so ghetto it's not even funny. Like, I have never been in a more ghetto place attached to a military base. It sucks. But oh well. I'll be with Cole and Brandon for the next three years on this ship so I guess it won't be too bad. I'll have fun. I just need to get a car.

So, after almost 14 months of having to put up with training command bullshit, I am finally getting out of the training phase of my Naval career and I am moving on to the "real" Navy. It's pretty exciting, really. I graduate from C school today and then I check out of CNATTU North Island and then I ride back home with Tom, since he lives in LA County as well. I come back down here on Saturday evening and I check in to the USS John C. Stennis, CVN-74 to begin my sea duty. We go underway soon after that.

I can't wait to finally see what real Navy life is like, I came aboard last night and got to see my shop, AIMD/IM-4 and I met a couple of senior AS personnel in my division and they all seemed pretty chill so I can't wait to see how everything will turn out. I also got to see my berthing and I got to choose a rack. I chose one of the top racks that had an outlet right next to it because the AS3 that was showing me around suggested it and he said it was an excellent rack to be in because you can sit up AND you have an outlet right next to you.

So my ship pulled in on Wednesday and I've hung out with Cole pretty much every day since then. But I'm not complaining, mind you. It's just weird cuz uhhhhhhh i'm partially asleep as i'm writing this so if I go on a tangent about something or if I just start to not make any sense you'll know any. I think I will really have to go to bed now cuz i'm too sleepy and i'm falling asleep.

So yesterday, pretty much all day, I was on the USS John C Stennis. I came on board and Cole found me, so I followed him around until he found the mag rover, then we went to his berthing and chilled in there for a while and I met some of his co-workers down in G3. Then, he took me with him when he went to do his rove as the next mag rover and he took me on a tour of some of the areas of the ship, which was pretty cool. I got to walk out on the flight deck for the first time.... It didn't seem as big as I thought it would be, though. Then he took me to this place where some of the weapons were and I suddenly remembered my life as an FC (student) because I saw some CIWS stuff. It was cool. I also went right up to the 74 and got to touch the bulbs (lol). So after we did his rove, we went back to his berthing and chilled in there for a while. Then everyone said they were hungry so Cole wanted to get some pizza but we couldn't find the number for the pizza parlor so what ended up happening is I went out and walked all the way from our ship to the pizza parlor across base (yeah, it was pretty far away) and I ordered the pizzas they all wanted, sat and waited, and then I carried all three large boxes of pizza all the way back to the ship. It was kinda funny cuz I was getting all kinds of looks from everyone that drove past me. So anyway I got on the ship and back into Cole's berthing and we started eating cuz we were all hungry. So I hung out with Cole and his co-workers all day in their berthing when i wasn't tagging along with Cole on his roves. It was a pretty cool day. I had to leave eventually though because their LPO came in and was kinda looking at me with a "WTF" kind of look so Cole took me outta there and I followed him on his final rove of the day, and then we said bye to each other and I went ashore.... My ship's gonna be out to sea until the 14th so I won't see him for 9 days but when they do come back it'll be awesome cuz they'll be in port for FOUR DAYS!!! So we can't wait for that day cuz it's gonna be badass.... we're probably gonna end up getting a motel or something in the gaslamp district and then just chill and find cool stuff to do... So yeah, that was my day yesterday.... it was pretty fun, but maaaaaaaan was I tired after all that walking..... haha.

when she finds out that I went out and got another tattoo last night.....
hahaha..... damn..... but it's alright I guess. It really was kind of a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing though, cuz I had gone out to hang out with Cole and had no plans whatsoever of getting a tattoo, but later on in the night, after we hit up the hookah bar, he was like, i feel like getting a tattoo.... let's go! So me and Jacobs followed him to the place where he got his first one last saturday and he told them what he wanted and they fixed him up and shit, and then jacobs went and looked for what he wanted, and then Cole told me that we should all get one together, but I told him I wanted to but I didn't have enough money for it. I guess he really wanted me to get one with him, so he told me that he would help me pay for it..... so I ended up getting a tattoo last night with my best friend Cole and his buddy Jacobs (who, as usual, was on the phone with his girlfriend all night). haha. Good times....

So apparently my ship pulled in a day early, and so now Cole is here and so is BJ but i obviously still can't get a hold of BJ. But anyway Cole just called me and said that I had to hang out with him again, all night, again..... I mean don't get me wrong, he's my best friend and I love him to death, but it's just weird. Like I guess he expects me to just drop all my plans for the night and hang out with him.... I mean, yeah of course I wanna hang out with him because before last Saturday I hadn't seen him in 3 months.... And it was awesome seeing him again.... but damn man, I have plans for tonight..... *sigh* idk. It's weird. It's like for once in my life, I actually have a friend who cares about me WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY MORE than I do for him. Don't get me wrong though, I love this kid so much it's crazy but wow... I don't know what to do.... It's funny cuz the same thing happened last week when he came; I had made plans with Abbey and Adrian and their friends (the exact same people I made plans with for TODAY), and I was at a party when I called Cole up and he had told me that I HAD to go to SeaWorld right at that moment and that I HAD to spend the whole day with him.... and even then, I was kinda reluctant to go because i was already settled in and i was having fun with Stewart and his friends and I had already planned stuff for later on in the night.... But I did it anyway, I went home and then I found a ride to SeaWorld, just to see him, my best friend. And then I ended up hanging out with him all day, and then my phone died on me so when Abbey tried to call me I didn't even know that my phone had died.... *sigh* wow this is such a weird situation for me..... I honestly don't know what to do. I wanna hang out with Cole, definitely. But I also wanna hang out with my Pinoy peeps.... cuz I haven't hung out with them, ever, and I've known them for a few months now.
oh well..... that's life I guess. Whatever happens, happens.

...i wish I could see BJ before our ship leaves on Sunday, though....... cuz I haven't seen him in FOREVER..... like 10 months to be exact. haha.

....in the States, that is. haha. So today, for the first time ever here in the United States of America, I drove a vehicle. Yup. It wasn't my vehicle, though. It was a duty van here at NAS North Island. Yup, they made me a duty driver today, which means I'm going to be driving all over San Diego for the next week (because I class up next week). I drove over to 32nd street today to drop off this one dude who had to go to Captain's Mast... and then I totally got lost and i didn't know where to go so I started freakin out haha but then I stopped and asked someone for directions but that didn't help cuz they weren't being too clear, and i thought about calling someone to ask for help while driving but then I remembered that I don't think too well when I'm in a disoriented state of mind so I struck that idea quick. so what I ended up doing, was asking someone for directions to the NEX and then I followed those directions and eventually got there, then I bought myself a GPS.... yup. So then I used that to get home. Unfortunately I forgot to mark my location before I left 32nd street, so i'm pretty much screwed if I ever have to go back there to pick someone up on my own. But yeah it was a cool experience, I drove across the Coronado Bay Bridge and didn't freak out, and then I drove on the freeway twice and didn't freak out..... haha. But yeah, I think I did a good job, considering I haven't driven in...oh.... let's say, 15 months?? hahaha.

So I finally hit my one year mark in the Navy last Saturday, just one day after I turned 19. I celebrated it (anniversary and birthday) with Stewart and a bunch of his friends, and on friday night we found out that a couple of his friends had also gone to boot camp on the same day and had graduated with us on the same day so it ended up being a big party for all of us i guess. The party was fun and I ended up staying until around noon on saturday.

Then I found out that the Stennis had just pulled into port because this girl i knew from att up in great lakes came to the party and was telling us that she just got off the ship, so I got excited and I called Cole as soon as I found out and he got all worked up and told me that i needed to go meet up with him, so I did. It was awesome seeing him again after 3 months, and we hung out at sea world and a hookah bar downtown and i went with him to get his first tattoo ever, and it was just all a whole lotta fun. And then we went to In n Out because he had never been to one before, and then it was time for him to go back to the ship cuz liberty was about to expire so we went back on base and i walked with him all the way back to the ship.... it was a very long walk, indeed. we had to walk all the way from the front gate cuz the cab we took couldn't go inside. But it was fun and I got to see my ship for the first time, which was awesome.

So anyway, life here in San Diego is alright; it just kinda sucks cuz I'm always bored.... it is pretty boring down here if you don't have a car cuz you can't really go anywhere down here without a car....

well that's all for now; see you all later....

I am finally home in Glendale. I'm on leave right now, and after this I'm going down to San Diego for C school. Yes, you read right--I FINALLY graduated from A school. I graduated on August 21, about a month before my one year anniversary in the Navy. I'd say it's about damn time, too. I've been spending some time trying to find and reconnect with people from my division, and I recently found out that I actually wasn't the last person in my division to finish A school. I didn't realize that there were so many submariners in my division, but the submariners are still in A school right now and they finish up this month.

So anyway, it feels GREAT to be out and on my way to the real fleet; being stuck in training commands for a whole year kinda takes its toll on you after a while. Having to deal with all that bullshit for a whole year really just degrades you and demotivates you.... I came into the Navy a shit hot sailor, and I left A school with an attitude of "I could care less...". Of course, that's all gonna change again once I get down to San Diego. I really can't wait to get down there, cuz I have a TON of friends over there.... Yes, it is a HUGE area, and yes, everyone i know is kinda spread out through all the bases down there, but nothing is too far away cuz everyone is in that one big military concentrated area.

I'm also pretty excited cuz my ship, the USS John C. Stennis, is coming down to San Diego as well, which means I'll be seeing BJ and Cole pretty soon... hooyah!! Ahhhh it's gonna be so much fun.... I can't wait!!!

so, no matter where I go in this world, there will ALWAYS, at one point in my life at that location, be a gay rumor that pops up about me. It's ridiculous. I'm tired of it, really. What upsets me the most about all of this is that people are retarded enough to believe it. I am losing friends over this bullshit and it's not funny. Not at all. When I find out who's been spreading that shit about me I'm gonna kick his motherfucking ass into next tuesday and I will make his life in pensacola a living nightmare. It won't be too hard to find the culprit, either, cuz I can guarantee you it was someone in my class. They just hate me that much, apparently. Whatever. I am so done with all this bullshit in pensacola. I just wanna graduate and leave all these fucktards behind. Far, far behind. People are so fucking high school down here it's ridiculous. Grown ass men and women acting a fool like there ain't no tomorrow.... it's fucking bullshit. what pisses me off even more is that this fool who spread the shit didn't just fucking target me, he involved one of my friends by dropping his name out there in the rumor. That's fucked up. If you hate me, then fucking attack me don't fucking bring my friends into this bullshit high school game that you wanna play.

Well, I hope you're fucking happy, whoever you are, for ruining my life. You got what you wanted, right? You were pissed that I liked hanging out with marines more than sailors so you decided to find a way for all of them to wanna stay far away from me... well guess what motherfucker it worked. So you better hope to god I don't find out who you are cuz I will fuck your world up so bad it's not even funny. Stand the fuck by. Shit won't be pretty when I find you. TRUST ME. You ruined my reputation and my life so it's only natural that I'm going to find a way to get back at you.... and when I do, it'll all be worth it.... you'll see motherfucker, you'll see.

so first off i'd like to start off by saying that my weekend is going to suck real bad cuz I probably won't do anything all weekend since I've been put on phase one again until monday for not turning my lib card in on time last sunday. I might go out and get drunk tomorrow though. I need it. Trust me, I need it. This week has just not been my week at all.... too much stress for one person. Hence the need for alcohol. Yes I know, alcohol doesn't make your problems go away and it sure as hell doesn't fix them but hey, it lets you forget about them for the time being while you have your fun. And that's all I need right now.

sooooo as far as my day goes, school was cut short today due to MSgt Levbrouw (i think that's how you spell it)'s retirement ceremony. It was pretty cool to be in a formation at a marine retirement ceremony. It was the first one that I have been to. I've only done navy retirements so far... and tomorrow I have an air force retirement to do color guard for. but anyway back to the retirement ceremony today. It involved a whole lotta standing and a lot of leg and knee hurting but I say it was worth it. Not only did we look good while we were being praised and thanked for our attendance, but I also got to hear some very, very wise, true words from MSgt. In her speech, she said something along the lines of "Joining the service takes you away from home and moves you far away from your family, but where ever you go, you make new homes and a new family." It almost brought a tear to my eyes when I heard her say that, because being in the navy for 10 months now, I know this is true because i have experienced it for myself. I had family up in great lakes. It started with my boot camp family, then my USS Franklin family (the best one yet), then my USS Cole family. I was devastated when I had to leave Great Lakes because I got dropped, and I knew I was gonna miss all my friends... I was depressed when I first got down here because of that. If I had realized back then what I heard today, I probably wouldn't have been so bad. Down here in Pensacola I have the Bravo barracks family and the AS schoolhouse family, and the Performing Units family, and then my little group of friends. And overall down here, we have the Navy-Marine Corps family.

Though I don't use the term "family" loosely, I'd have to say that since I have been in the Navy, nothing to this day has been able to compare to the close bond that we all shared at the USS Franklin. We truly were, a family.

So anyway I gotta get to sleep now I gotta do colors in the morning.... tomorrow is a busy day for me cuz I have colors in the morning, the retirement ceremony in the afternoon, and then evening colors after that.... so I guess my saturday will be taken up anyway so this whole phase one weekend isn't too bad I guess.... I still need a drink or two though. lol.

Yet another one of my friends has left Pensacola for his next duty station... My best friend Cole left on Monday right after he graduated, so I was kinda depressed all day... I was lucky enough to be able to watch his graduation though, so I was happy about that because he really wanted me to come see him graduate. I really have no life now that he's gone... It's just study study study, school school school, and internet internet internet..... I don't really hang out with anyone much these days; I guess I'm subconsciously trying to not get close to anyone again, after the devastating farewells I've had to go through these last two times.... But oh well.... I really don't know who to hang out with anymore these days... Cole took up most of my time. He was pretty much the only one that I'd ever hang out with down here.... Maybe I'll go back to hanging out with my marine buddies... Odd as it sounds, I seem to fit in with them more... I dunno why but they all like me more than my sailors do. Oh well.

After this week I'll be halfway done with school!!!! hooyah!!!!

so I was originally planning on going up to VA to visit Mike and Eve since I wasn't able to make it to their wedding, but that plan fell through cuz they decided that they were gonna go down to Tampa with one of Mike's coworkers... So then my plan changed into wanting to go down to Tampa but I ran out of time and money and I couldn't put my chit in.... and then I was abruptly reminded that I had duty on Sunday so I would have had to have been back by sunday morning anyway, which further complicated things....

so I ended up staying down here in beautiful Pensacola, Florida over this 5 day weekend.... bored outta my mind for some of it; having the time of my life through other parts of it; and trying to concentrate on school for the rest of it. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... I mean aside from the fact that pretty much all my friends, sailor and marine alike, were gone for the weekend so I had no one real close to me to hang out with, I really actually had fun.

It was so fun I can't even remember everything that happened over the weekend.... What I do remember, though, is that I was chilling with Cole a lot and we were playing Rock Band and just getting our fingers and wrists all cramped up and shit.... haha. But yeah Cole bought a shitload of food over the weekend for us to share and stuff until he leaves.... damn, he's leaving in like a week.... that sucks soooooo bad.

On Friday Quinn and I finally had that sushi dinner that we had been planning to have since the day we got down here... it was pretty good food, and we spent a lot of money... If only we had seen the sign on the door that said "All you can eat sushi---$19.97" It definitely would have saved us a ton of money.... hahaha.

But yeah, I must admit, it felt kinda weird not hanging out with any of my marine buddies this weekend... I guess I kinda got too used to chilling with them over the weekends... God, I really shouldn't be getting close to anyone anymore... Cuz the same shit happens every time; it's the never ending cycle of life... people come and people go... Just like Porzio left.... and just like Paulsen is going to leave soon.... oh well.... You'd think after happening to me so many times already I'd be used to it by now but no.... It still gets me every time.... oh well.

Has been nothing but marine related stuff. Well that's not entirely true cuz I've been hanging out with cole alot too but for the most part all I've been doing all weekend is hanging out with my marine buddies... idk maybe I just like hanging out with different people for a change (since, for that past 9 months, all I've hung around with were sailors) or maybe I just really enjoy their company more than I do sailors; all I know is they have kept me entertained and busy all weekend so far... it's really cool cuz I just walk into their barracks and no one ever says anything; I guess they think I'm a marine too.... but yeah I've been chilling in golf barracks all weekend.... been in fogal and wadle's room, and then parker's room, and then crouch's room....it's pretty chill over there; they can actually have food in their room... and Crouch's room is COLD.... i loved being in there cuz it's without a doubt the coldest room that i've been in on base... but yeah crouch was drunk as fuck last night... videos will be up on youtube soon....

Tonight I was gonna stay in fogal and wadle's room but I chickened out at the last minute cuz fogal said that they weren't letting anyone out since there was a thunder condition.... and so I kinda got a little nervous cuz I thought about tomorrow morning and how I was ever gonna get out.... so pretty much from now on trying to stay overnight in the marine barracks is out of the question.... I've been lucky enough so far to never get caught in there, so I'm not about to fuck it up for myself in the future, ya know?? Parker said something to me today that actually got me thinking about it cuz he was like "you know, you've got to be real proud of yourself for being the only sailor on this base with the guts to just walk into the marine barracks like you own the place and then just chill in here and stuff like that".... and I was like, yeah no shit huh I really AM the only one that ever comes in here.... that's cool. Then again, I'm probably the only one who ever has reason to go there anyway cuz I'm probably the only sailor who generally likes chilling with marines more than sailors....

well there you have it, that's been my weekend so far.... just marines marines marines..... oorah oorah oorah.... hahaha.... and there's probably gonna be more tomorrow.....

The sailors at least. The Marines are still chill with me. The sailors on the other hand are all buddy fuckers and at the moment I could care less about them. I had to finish highlighting the answers in my homework this morning in class because I don't have a highlighter of my own. I borrowed one from a marine sitting beside me and finished highlighting the last 4 questions just in time... But there ended up being 4 people who didn't complete their homework and I guess the rest of the class wanted me to go down with them and suffer the consequences with them.... so they ratted on me. Yes, they did. And now I'm stuck with having to write an essay on the importance of doing your homework. This shit fucking pisses me off because I did my homework I just needed to finish highlighting but no one fucking cares cuz they're all buddy fuckers and all they care about is themselves.....

and the reason I'm pissed isn't even about the fucking essay; it's the fact that they made me look bad and now I'm gonna have a bad reputation with Staff Sergeant and AS1... That's really all that I care about, is what the staff thinks of me. I'm not here to look good for my classmates, I'm here to look good for my instructors and the AS staff. But now my name has been forever tainted because my sailor classmates decided to be buddy fuckers today.

yeah fuck them all. I always wondered why I have always been closer to the marines since I got down here; I finally figured it out today. Marines won't fuck you over. When you're together they got your back, period. Cuz unlike sailors these days, they actually believe in being a team and helping each other out. Oh well. whatever. Even just thinking about it pisses me off.

I gotta go to bed now cuz I have PT early tomorrow morning....

Not officially though cuz i'm just leeching off someone else's net for now....
too poor to afford my own internet, unfortunately....
but I have been down here in Pensacola for about 2 and a half months now.... I was miserable when I first got here... it was a nightmare. I was bummin real bad like you have no clue how bad i was feeling.... I had to go see a chaplain cuz it was so bad. But then he told me to just give it some time and so I did and I guess all it was, was a matter of having to adjust to the system down here.... cuz it is WAY different from the system up in Great Lakes.... so after a few weeks of getting here I finally settled down and started making friends.... and then I met Porzio, who ended up being my best friend down here.... but he's gone now; out in the fleet as a rated AO. I feel like all my friends are out there already; first my boot camp division friends, and now even the ones that got to boot camp way after I did are already out there.... and why am I still in school, you ask? because I got dropped and then I had to wait on hold for such a long time before I got orders out of great lakes and then I had to wait on hold down here for such a long time before I actually classed up for my new A school.....

I classed up last week and I am currently second in my class....out of the sailors that is. but that's for a different day cuz i really need to get studying for my progress check tomorrow.... i gotta keep my rank in class ya know. I will be updating more frequently now so keep checking!!!

I finally got my orders yesterday (10th). I'm leaving great lakes on saturday and flying down to pensacola. I'm going through a mix of emotions right now and it sucks. I mean everyone here hates this place and we all complain and say how much we wanna get off.... but in the end, when you finally get your orders, you end up wishing you could stay longer.... not because you'll miss being here, but because you'll miss the people here.

Yeah, I've been here for about 5 months now, and I've made so many friends here it's ridiculous. I am going to miss every single one of them. Hell, if I could take them all with me down to Pensacola I'd be set. Unfortunately, life isn't that convenient. And so, I have to move down there all by myself and I have to start over and make new friends. I mean I have friends over there right now, but still, it just won't be the same anymore. And as much as I would love to keep in touch with all these people here, I know it won't happen. Because that has been my big problem with moving far away from friends; I can't ever seem to keep in touch with them for extended periods of time. Sometimes I'd keep in touch, then lose contact for a while, then start talking up again, then lose contact, and the cycle would just continue on like that...

And then other times I keep in touch for a while and then completely just stop one day for no reason and everything just fades away into a distant memory... and I definitely don't want that to happen with some of the people here... but unfortunately I know it's more than likely to happen with a few people... It kinda sucks thinking about it. I'm really gonna miss my friends here. A lot.

I'm gonna miss the people from my boot camp division, first of all, because i've been with them from the start. I'm gonna miss Roach and Fisher because those two have been my best friends here in these past few weeks. I'm gonna miss Stuessy because he was my best friend here for quite some time since I was in the Franklin. I'm gonna miss Sandoval just 'cause he's a cool ass mothafucka and he's hella chill (lol). I'm gonna miss Schreiber because, well, he's...Schreiber. lol. I'm gonna miss my little duty section leadership crew cuz they were all real chill people and they were always fun to hang out with. Fuck man, I hate this part of leaving. It's always the worst part.

Oh well. I'll survive, I guess. Just like I always have. Peace out yo. Goodbye Great Lakes, Hello Pensacola!!!!

....in two days.

fuck att.
i fucking hate this place.
i hate this school.
i hate life.

my self esteem has plummeted far beyond what i’m used to.
i feel like shit here.
it seems like everyone looks down on me and everyone thinks i’m retarded.
all because i’m 25 days behind and still only on mod 14....
fuckin att....

and on top of all that, i might have a sleeping disorder.
i fall asleep all over the place.
i fall asleep even standing up.
hell, believe it or not, I have actually fallen asleep while marching.
today, in fact, on my way to medical, I was walking and the next thing I know i’m in the middle of the road crossing the street.
this shit scares me man....
i don’t know what’s wrong with me....
but I can’t tell them.
no.
I heard shit like this gets people medically discharged....
so fuck that.
they won’t ever find out about that.

*sigh*

i hate life.

so I'm here, on yet another weekend... it's saturday and I just woke up. I have little to no recollection of what happened last night because of reasons I cannot discuss on here, if you know what I mean. But apparently I fell asleep/went to bed with my contacts on so my eyes will be screwed up again for a while.... the worst part about it is I don't have a case or I can't find one so I had to improvise and I am using 2 cups to store them for now. hahaha.....

so, this isn't my usual "fuck the weekends fuck great lakes" entry..... why, you ask? because yesterday something good finally happened to me here. I finally got phase 2 liberty. That means that I can wear my civilian clothes and I can stay out later!!! hooyah phase 2!!!! I was out with my roommates all day yesterday cuz we had to celebrate. yesterday was awesome because we had to go home from school early due to the snowstorm.... yes, you read correctly. it is nearing the end of march and we just had a snowstorm. amazing, the weather up here.

well I guess that's all I have for now... I'll probably write again later on tonight if anything eventful happens.

laterz yo.

*sigh*

so Here's the update, once again, since it's been a while since my last one.... sorry, there's just been a shitload of stuff happening and it's hard to really update right now, since I don't have internet yet...

ok so I moved to the USS Cole about a week ago, and that's why I don't have internet yet. I called Comcast to switch my internet over but they haven't come by yet, which is really pissing me off. They better be here this week.

second update, the honest-to-god truth is that I am falling behind in school. ok fuck that, I'm WAAAAY behind in school. How far behind, you ask? Brace for shock. I am, according to my latest log-on to the system, exactly seventeen point one (17.1) days behind. Yup. And before you go around judging me and bitching and all that, I have but one explanation for all this. It's definitely not because I'm retarded or anything like that, because all of you who know me know that I have the intellect to push through school, AND you all know that I have a very high interest in electronics. So why, then, am I 17 days behind, you ask? It's because it's so damn hard to concentrate in my classroom!!! Seriously, like all of us in there are good friends and shit so we'd work for about 10 minutes or so and then start talking and messing around for about half an hour... and it doesn't help that our proctor is hella cool and sometimes she gets too into helping people out that she doesn't notice everyone goofing off...

so yeah, now I'm on mando, which I really dont' mind because it'll help me catch up, and when I do, I'll keep the motivation going until I get ahead.

So yeah, about my title for today. I really do hate the weekends. I mean I love the fact that we don't have to worry about school, but I really hate the weekends. The weekends come along and I always end up depressed by the middle of the day and that feeling just sticks to me. *sigh* I don't know, I just always feel so alone and bored on the weekends... yesterday was the worst. I was at an all-time low yesterday. I really wanted to be home yesterday. No one was around and there was abosolutely nothing to do... ugh. Oh well... such is life at Great Mistakes, especially when you're phase 1.... which hopefully I won't be for too much longer.... I put in my phase 2 chit at the cole on friday so hopefully it gets approved this week and I get it!!

well, that's all for now.... I'll try to update more often when I actually do get internet in my room...

I haven't put anything on here in a while cuz i've been hella busy with school and shit... but today is totally a sad day for me. My good friend Rolfe is leaving at 0500 today to go to his next command/a school in Jacksonville, Florida. I mean I'm happy for him cuz he's getting his ass outta Great Mistakes, but damn... I'm totally gonna miss him. We all are; everyone in our little family... He's the first one to go... Tilton is next, and then Shipman after him. Oh, freakin' airdales.... *sigh* It's alright though I guess, cuz I know we'll see each other again someday... SOMEDAY. I'd love to end up on a ship with them someday. That would be totally awesome. But I guess that's just life... friends come in, and they leave... Been through that shit way too many times not to know that by now every time I make new friends. Maybe that's why I try not to get too close to my friends; cuz I know that someday the day will come when I will have to say bye....

I really don't know what's wrong with me lately but I've been bummin'....
I was fine on sunday throughout the day, but at night I was suddenly hit by it and I've been bummed ever since..I really don't know why....and tonight it's just so much worse cuz of some shit that went down earlier... *sigh* it's just this place... it's starting to get to me, ya know? It's really quite lonely up here in the cold ass weather... and I think I'm really REALLY bummin' cuz my friends are all about to leave... Rolfe got his orders today and he's scheduled to leave on the 14th of next month... Tilton and Shipman I don't know yet... so far Rolfe is the only one whose orders have been posted. *sigh* yeah, life is really sucking for me right about now. I'm falling behind in class, too... THAT sucks. I gotta go to open learning every morning now so I can catch up... don't worry though, I'm not THAT far behind...

I gotta meet up with Delgado this week sometime... He's back in town cuz he finished his A school over in Meridian... that's what sucks the most about my job, it that it takes forever to finish schooling and get out of training status... From what I know, Hall, Delgado, Rodriguez, Becher, Sdaigui, and Jones have all graduated from their A schools and are now full-fledged sailors... oh well. I guess the one perk about my school being so damn long is that I'll be a 3rd class when I get out... hooyah to that.

One of my friends got moved to a different ship this morning because he's a BM. This sucks. He was a semi-booter (he's new but no longer the baby group of our ship) but he was hella chill. I saw him in the morning carrying his coveralls cuz he was going to a working party for holds, but then after quarters i found out that they moved him. I hope they don't move my roommate out too, cuz he's a QM. He's chill too. It's gonna suck if he moves out and then we have to get a new roommate and re-adjust and re-accquaint, you know? Oh, and I haven't gottan much sleep at all in the past 3 days. Nope, not at all. Been pulling all-nighters... really don't know why... just can't seem to go to sleep at night.

This nights schedule has just really screwed up my system... I end up staying up all night and then sleeping for like 2 or 3 hours in the morning before I have to muster and get ready for school... and on days when I have to go to open learning/aes/mando, I'm really screwed over cuz I don't get any sleep at all. Something has to change. Soon. Or I'll end up walking around the base looking like a zombie and one day I might just collapse.

So here i am, up at 0138. I'm in Marsiglia's room cuz my room doesn't have internet yet. I'm trying to get it soon though. Hopefully tomorrow, if I can find the exact street address of this freakin' building. I need to stop spending so much money, seriously.... but hopefully by February 1st I'll be getting all my back pay since they've been paying me as an SR since I got here, even though I became an SN when I graduated from boot camp. I can't wait!! That's a sheetload of money.... hehe

apparently I missed the att indoc this morning at the school house because I woke up late. apparently my alarm clock and my roommate couldn't get me to wake up. it sucks. I was supposed to be over there by 0700 but I woke up at around 1030. So yeah I went through the day as usual and then when I went to the school house at around 1700 of course I got massively bitched at. it's alright though I guess since I wasn't alone in this little adventure. Apparently Miller woke up at around the same time I did, so we both planned out the whole thing about our trip to the school house. They bitched at us for a while, and then they told us that we have to be there tomorrow at 0700. so I guess that means no computer for me tonight. It's midrats and then straight to sleep. HOPEFULLY.

so I finally comp'ed SCC today, officially. I went to school to pick up my grad cert and my CPR card, and then they sent us home. So I've had free time the whole day, pretty much. I'm hoping no one important finds out I'm on hold, so I don't have to wake up early to work in the mornings... I heard that the holds now work from 07-16... so that sucks. but oh well, I guess we'll see what happens. wish me luck...? lol

This weekend has sucked. Yesterday was Saturday but I couldn't even go anywhere cuz I don't have any money.... I was stuck on base, so my day pretty much consisted of using the computer, eating at the galley, using more computer, going to the loft for a while, and then coming back and using more computer. I was hella bored the whole day. And then I ended up staying up until 0600 today because Bishop wanted me to keep her company on watch and she wouldn't let me go.....so I went back to my room after that and I ended up just sleeping in my uniform cuz I had to get up in 2 hours for watch anyway...but shhhhh don't tell anyone cuz that's definitely against the rules here. It was fun though. I was kinda pissed when I found out that I had 3 watches today, but then when I woke up and reported for watch I found out that they had changed the watch bill and I only had 2 watches. So I stood all 4 hours of my boring watch, then I got off and went back up to my room, and then miller texted me to tell me that I had watch after him at 04-06 tomorrow, so I got pissed and checked it out for myself to find out that it was true, and then I got really pissed cuz they kept changing it on us. Then we had to muster, and at the muster I found out that they changed it yet again, which pissed me off at first but then I found out that they moved me from 04-06 to 08-10. GOOD.

But yeah, today has been just soooooo damn boring it's ridiculous... oh well. The day's almost over, hooyah!! Tomorrow I go to school to pick up my grad cert and my cpr card and I'm done for the day!!!
hooyah liberty!!!

To all of you who are reading this right now... I need to say something that I've been keeping from all of you for the past few days... Everything hasn't been fine... I'd like to believe it was, but it's not. I realized that I have been depressed as of late... I just really feel like crap. There's just so much going on in my head right now and it's all bringing me down... *sigh* If only I could be stronger.


I just feel so lonely up here, so unloved, unwanted, I don't know... I just don't feel like I have made any real friends. I feel like I'm always going out of my way to look out for my friends and in return I get treated like crap and I get picked on and talked about and stuff like that.. Sounds familiar, eh? *sigh* Story of my life... When will this viscous cycle ever end...? I thought I had finally gotten away from it, but I guess not... It just keeps following me where ever I go. Oh well.


I really don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but still... It's hard, you know? Going through life always feeling like you're by yourself and you'll never truly fit in with people... I just don't really feel like doing much anymore... I almost didn't finish my performance test today because of something that happened at school. I won't go into details because it'll just bother me more than it already is. All I can say is that person was a professional douche bag, and I can't believe he ended up as my partner. I'm so embarrassed, seriously. I was brought to tears in front of my whole class because I was just so damn frustrated. It's ridiculous. People will probably be talking about me for a while, just because that's the way life is to me. I'll be remembered as "that one sailor who cried during his PT in SCC"... Oh well.


Story of my life, right?

so tomorrow I take my final exam for SCC, which will pretty much determine whether or not I comp on Monday. wish me luck!! There's a TON of stuff I need to study... so I probably won't get much sleep tonight... oh well... I hope I pass so I can comp SCC and be put on hold schedule again... It would be nice to finally get my daily liberty back.

Just got out of school... with every day that passes, school just gets suckier and suckier... tomorrow we have a tagging-out lab, which is practice for the actual test that we take on friday.... the good news is that we are scheduled to comp SCC on Monday... and then after that we'll be put on hold again for a looooong time.... until space clears up in ATT... can you say hooyah liberty?? haha. seriously though, I can't wait. This night school schedule has practically robbed me of liberty... I mean they give us night students liberty from 0700-1145, but let's be honest here. Who the hell is actually gonna get up at 0700 just to take liberty when we all go to bed at around 0200, if not later? we all use that time to regain all the sleep that we've lost, ya know? oh well... I guess that's all for now. I'm doing fine, everyone.

so i'm back here in great lakes... nothing's really changed since we all left for holiday leave. This week was unusually warm until tonight, when temperatures dropped once again to about 40º. The snow has for the most part melted away, and everyone is trying to enjoy this while it lasts. It's forecasted to snow again on thursday.

I'm going good. school sucks cuz it's so damn boring... I can't wait to comp SCC so I can get put on hold again and finally enjoy my liberty again... well it's 0340 right now so I think it's time for me to go to bed.